I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
