Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
