I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
