The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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