And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
