She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
