It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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