worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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