i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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