so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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