I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
