Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We just shotgunned beers for America
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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