Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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