She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
