You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
