May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
