Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
