Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its not stalking. its research.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
