do herpes really smell.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
