His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
