new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
