i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
