Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
