Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
