Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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