Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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