after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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