I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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