Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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