i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Come share oat with me in your robe
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