i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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