Im at strip club and am horny
need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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