I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
