i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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