So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
