Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
