cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
