Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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