my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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