oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Shame - the story of my life.
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