remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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