Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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