She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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