Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
