tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
