I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you win again, gameday.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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