it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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