Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
