you would pick up someone in the library
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
false alarm, still single
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