So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
