Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
